If I had a nickel for every ridiculous engagement photoshoot I’ve seen on social media… I would have a f*ckton of nickels. Why are we doing this? Why do we jump at any chance to rub our happiness in the faces of our former high school friends and that one guy you hooked up with in college who *somehow* found you on Facebook?
It’s that time of year when the world falls in love- er, wait? Isn’t that Christmas? YES! It IS Christmas! It is gay Christmas! Happy Pride, everyone. I can’t wait to party with you as we celebrate all the man thigh I am about to see in Goodale Park. I always meet my man thigh quota in June, and this month is NO exception. Along with Pride comes gay mating season! A reminder (if you don’t already know) that this is Phase Two of the gay dating cycle. Much like a butterfly (and often just as colorful), queers take to the streets at Pride to find a lifelong… er…. yearlong courtship that will LAST FOREVER OF COURSE. But before you dive face first into anyone’s VIP tent this year, check out the phases so you can know what to expect:
My relationship with the Dark Knight is complicated. Growing up with my sister’s hand me down Barbies and an extensively impressive Amelia Bedelia book collection, comic books never made it into the hallowed purple walls of my bedroom. I never played Superheros- I played House. Instead of embodying the caped crusader, I embodied the heteronormative housewife. My fake eggs and bacon were to die for, and you’ve never lived until you tried my scratch and sniff plastic Baskin Robins ice cream. Who is Batman?
It’s that time of year… where you spend uncomfortable time with family members that you never actually talk to who haven’t had a meaningful conversation with you since you were five years old! Even then, that conversation centered around your love of play-doh. So… not exactly deep. And if you identify as LGBT, the conversations get even weirder. So in honor of the holiday season, I have a drinking game to deal with your awkward family (and mine.) DON’T WORRY, ALLIES. You can also play this game. Just stick by your gay cousin Johnathan and drink whenever he does.
Good morning! Well, you’re probably hungover from spending last night crying and drinking bourbon (or flavored vodka) due to the 6th Circuit’s decision that they released right before everyone went to happy hour last night. The decision UPHELD same-sex marriage bans in FOUR states- Kentucky, Tennessee, Michigan, and Ohio.
Now that the gay cloud of doom has evaporated into the whiskey-soaked night, and the morning (and coffee!) are here, let’s talk details, ya’ll. This aint’s so bad. Sure, it stings. Sure, you still can’t be recognized in the state you live in, the state you love, the state you want to thrive in. But don’t cover up your Ohio tattoo on the inside of your upper arm just yet… there are some good things about this decision: