I don’t consider myself a good loser. In fact, I am a miserable 2nd placer. And a homicidal 3rd. In signing up for a comedy competition coming up this Tuesday, November 1st at the Funny Bone, I narrowed down the reason as to why: the fact that i’m not the best at anything.
Sure, I’m moderately good at many things. As a child, I excelled at the piano and was a pretty valuable asset to the 5th grade math team. Those talents, however, were overshadowed by irately talented Asian children. They thwarted me at piano competition and flayed my long division skills with their knowledge of decimals and derivatives. Were they all born with a protractor in hand? I realize now how racist and juvenile this sounds… but I lived in the suburbs so cut me some slack.
In junior high, in an attempt to make me a more respectable loser, my mother made me join a team sport: softball. This wasn’t so bad, I thought. The coach even made a special position for me in the outfield. Way out. With the dandelions. But after getting hit in the head three times (one particularly rough incident involved me catching a pop fly with my teeth), I turned in my jersey, explaining to the coach that my mother spent too much money on my orthodontia to justify my continuing athletic feats. It was probably for the best anyways. The only real positive I gleaned from the experience was being closer to God… I prayed in the outfield that the ball would not come towards me.
Then, there’s comedy. I’m good at comedy. Not great, not Asian, just… good. And I like it that way. So I entered this competition just to see if I still become a sweaty mess like I did before a piano recital. Come support me and see some great comedy! I just recommend sitting in the middle or back, as I will be sweating. A lot.