I have been bullied my whole life: for being loud, for being queer, for being me. But the bullies this time have taken it to a new level.
Last week, at a comedy benefit, I made a joke about Victoria Secret and their “one size fits all” thong. I find the concept of “one size fits all” pretty hilarious, and after ranting about my negative experience with the Victoria Secret Associate (they are referred to as angels), I described her as thin and… well… kind of dumb. While the two are not mutually exclusive, I continue to express my struggle on stage with fitting into “one size fits all” items of clothing, and even threaten to send skinny women philly cheese steak sandwiches anonymously at 3am.
Since the event, a faction of people have decided to label me as someone who “thin shames.” They have told me that I should not blame my body insecurity on them for being thin, and that insulting thin people is inconsiderate to everyone everywhere in the universe. They are personally messaging me, trolling and tagging my name on the internet, and well… generally being dicks.
So, to the bullies who think that a curvy girl “thin-shamed” you:
First of all, you KNEW you were at a comedy show, right? If you weren’t sure, the previous comedians making all sorts of offensive jokes didn’t seem to get ya. If you don’t think you can handle any sort of joke, I encourage you to cut checks to your favorite organizations and sit in your house. Don’t leave. Something might offend you. NO! Don’t turn on the TV. Or the Internet. You might be shocked by someone with a different opinion than yours.
Second of all… what is thin shaming. Oh, you don’t know what thin-shaming is? That’s surprising. It’s so common that society shits all over the super majority. Oh wait, it isn’t? That’s right. Thin people are catered to in every aspect of society. When was the last time you saw a fat person in a commercial that wasn’t for a tailgate or as the butt of a joke (and a fat butt at that)? Dave Thomas’ actual daughter Wendy was REPLACED in commercials with a thinner actress because she rated better in consumer testing.
From high fashion to the size of airline seats, “thin” sized people are the norm and are treated as such. Saying I’m thin shaming because I have body insecurities? PU-lease. Everyone has body insecurities (including you, skinny lady), but the best part is, in comedy, you can talk candidly and with humor about your insecurities AND PEOPLE CAN RELATE TO YOU. After the show, a thin woman came up to talk about my set, and she told me how much she loved that particular joke because “nothing fits her right.” OF COURSE IT DOESN’T. Clothes suck for women. And that’s why the joke works… because everyone can relate no matter what size they are.
Third of all… I noticed that you didn’t pick on the jokes made about dumb women. Is that dumb shaming? What about that joke about men being awful? Men shaming? No? You can’t stand on a soapboax made of bullshit. It won’t stand, no matter how lightweight you are.
Now I wish I had time to respond to all my fans and all my haters… but alas, I have a life (unlike the people who spent hours trying to come up with an insult to penetrate my layers of fat), so I wrote this piece so I could share it with all of you. I’m curvy, I’m honest, and if you can’t take a joke, you are just as bad as the straight people who want to have a “Straight Pride Month.” You are in the majority, so you don’t get a full month. And frankly, YOU don’t get to take up any more of my precious, slightly flabby time.
The world is NOT one size fits all, skinny girls. Move over… and leave room for dessert.