I know what’s on your mind. It’s on my mind too. It’s on EVERYONE’S mind. The thoughts and feelings about this particular day spill into the air and the subconscious like a gust just moments after January first. The day looms, the pressure looms, and then, all of a sudden…. IT’S HERE. The holiday that you are *never* prepared for and it seems like everyone else is crushing: President’s Day.
You know. February 20th. Were you thinking of a different holiday? If you were, I wish I could say I was sorry. But I’m really not sorry at all. President’s Day is my favorite holiday of not only the month of February, but the whole damn year (confession: I only recently started celebrating it but I will never go back to the stereotypical February holidays!)
And you too, can celebrate this most hallowed day, just like a president would. Not a current president, but a past president. Sigh. The past. I miss it.
Activity #1: Continue to not live in the White House
George Washington didn’t live in the White house. He spent his time in a multitude of cities, including Philadelphia. If you are reading this, you are probably doing a great job at this activity already. Congratulations, you! Continue to live in your domicile. No need to move.
Need to up your presidential celebration level? Get a cheese steak.
Activity #2: Go to a party, disappear from the party and then miraculously reappear even though no one really cares.
Grover Cleveland was both the 22nd and 24th president of the United States. He won the 1884 and 1892 elections but LOST the 1888 election to Benjamin Harrison. During the second election, he beat out Harrison but only received 46% of the popular vote (which should sound familiar.) Cleveland was a bit of a dud, but that shouldn’t prevent YOU from taking advantage of his inconsistency on President’s Day!
Roll into a party, bring tortilla chips, and say, “Omg I left the salsa in the car!” Leave, grab a drink with another friend, swing by a coffee shop and catch up on some phone calls to your extended family (Did Sara have her baby yet? Did you even know that Sara was pregnant? Get it together!)
Come back in two hours, maybe bring a half-eaten jar of salsa with a few soggy chip pieces stuck in it. That salsa will represent Cleveland’s second term. Hopefully no one notices your absence. (JK. They won’t notice at all if you did it right.)
Wow. You are crushing today’s celebration.
Activity #3: Sleep with a lot of people.
Extramarital affairs are a part of the job! If you are monogamous, I would skip this activity (though many presidents did not skip this activity even with a ring on it.) If you aren’t, go to town! Literally, you should probably engage in sexual activity with a lot of people.
Okay, you don’t have to be an LBJ about it. Just maybe one presidential hookup per holiday. Or two.
Activity #4: Sleep diagonally on your bed.
When Abraham Lincoln was shot, he was moved to a nearby home and laid on a bed to receive the most advanced treatments in medical care (which, in 1865, meant mostly that everyone just stared at him while he slowly died. Yay medical advancement!). The bed was too short to allow ole’ Abe to relax straight up-and-down on the bed, so all 6’4” of him was placed on a diagonal angle.
I get upset when my favorite pillow isn’t wear I left it, but our 16th President died of a headwound in a bed he couldn’t even fit in! What a hero. You can celebrate and honor this incredible moment on February 20th any way you want, but I highly recommend getting a little tipsy with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend and flouncing around on your bed diagonally. You could even incorporate some top hat play into the evening.
Another way to celebrate? Light a couple candles, lay diagonally on your bed, and thoughtfully remind yourself that while you are not president, you likely have better judgment than the current one. Drift off to sleep with thoughts of brilliant presidents past dancing in your head like Ulysses S. Grant’s cigar smoke, constantly encircling his head.
Have a joyful February everyone, and enjoy the one and only one holiday that this chilly month has to offer.