a love letter: to my bullies

As a queer comedian who gets on stage every week, sometimes every night, and talks about her life, there really isn’t much room for me to be shy. With the inevitable sharing of my life that comes from comedy, some who see me perform feel closer to me, while others feel annoyance or animosity. “God, why does she talk about her vagina so much?” is what I assume a lot of those annoyed people say. Continue reading

I am sick of your engagement photoshoots. So I did my own.

One Night Announcement 7If I had a nickel for every ridiculous engagement photoshoot I’ve seen on social media… I would have a f*ckton of nickels. Why are we doing this? Why do we jump at any chance to rub our happiness in the faces of our former high school friends and that one guy you hooked up with in college who *somehow* found you on Facebook?

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The lifecycle of a gay relationship.

rainbow_butterfly_emerging_from_chrysalis_sticker-rd99dd7ef9a09467fa35fc93032c26bd0_v9waf_8byvr_512It’s that time of year when the world falls in love- er, wait? Isn’t that Christmas? YES! It IS Christmas! It is gay Christmas! Happy Pride, everyone. I can’t wait to party with you as we celebrate all the man thigh I am about to see in Goodale Park. I always meet my man thigh quota in June, and this month is NO exception. Along with Pride comes gay mating season! A reminder (if you don’t already know) that this is Phase Two of the gay dating cycle. Much like a butterfly (and often just as colorful), queers take to the streets at Pride to find a lifelong… er…. yearlong courtship that will LAST FOREVER OF COURSE. But before you dive face first into anyone’s VIP tent this year, check out the phases so you can know what to expect:

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To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Adam West.

adamwestMy relationship with the Dark Knight is complicated. Growing up with my sister’s hand me down Barbies and an extensively impressive Amelia Bedelia book collection, comic books never made it into the hallowed purple walls of my bedroom.  I never played Superheros- I played House.  Instead of embodying the caped crusader, I embodied the heteronormative housewife.  My fake eggs and bacon were to die for, and you’ve never lived until you tried my scratch and sniff plastic Baskin Robins ice cream. Who is Batman?

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a booze soaked holiday: an LGBT drinking game for dealing with your family this holiday season.

It’s that time of year… where you spend uncomfortable time with family members that you never actually talk to who haven’t had a meaningful conversation with you since you were five years old! Even then, that conversation centered around your love of play-doh. So… not exactly deep. And if you identify as LGBT, the conversations get even weirder.  So in honor of the holiday season, I have a drinking game to deal with your awkward family (and mine.) DON’T WORRY, ALLIES. You can also play this game. Just stick by your gay cousin Johnathan and drink whenever he does.

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