Swing State Birth Control

The 5th circuit of appeals overturned a ruling in Texas and has cut ALL funding for Planned Parenthood locations in the state of Texas.  Thousands of women who cannot afford cancer screenings, well visits, birth control and more will not be able to get the care they need. Texas had previously cut any and all funding to Planned Parenthood locations that involve abortion procedures, but that wasn’t enough for Rick Perry. Nothing ever is.  I know what you are thinking…. “Brooke, don’t get in your soapbox now. Why does a lesbian from Buffalo give a shit about Texas birth control?” I’m not getting on a soap box per se, instead, think of it as me getting into the stirrups. You know the stirrups I’m talkin’ about, ladies. This dyke went to a new pooster doctor yesterday, and I had some eye-opening revalations.


I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s say I just started student medical coverage at a large university in Columbus, Ohio. Much more affordable than my previous coverage, where one month of oral birth control cost $100, I was told by health care center staff that this birth control would be much more reasonable but I needed to make an appointment first.  After four waiting rooms, thirty minutes, and eight pages of paperwork, I met my nurse practitioner, who did not speak English very well. Trying to explain to anyone why a lesbian takes birth control is frustrating enough without the language barrier. I almost blurted out, “I don’t want my girlfriend to get me pregnant! Those strap on’s nowadays are so lifelike.”  I held it in. But hey, I give this health center credit.  At least they had a sexuality questionnaire. When I started getting my pooster checked regularly, the only box to check was sexually active or not. Super helpful for a sexually confused 18 year old who thought a hand job might get her preggers.


After the nurse practitioner and I got to third base together, and she handed me my prescription and left, I couldn’t help but tear up a little bit.  It has been an overwhelming few days, few weeks in my life, and I’m almost a hundred percent sure that they pump pure progesterone through the vents at those places to make you more weepy.  I take BC for multiple reasons, and even though I still get a little grossed out talking about it because I was raised to NEVER discuss your health, money problems, or your vagina, I felt a sigh of relief that at least I wouldn’t have to deal with another $100 prescription.


I walked out of my appointment with a script for three months of BC for…. FREE!! That’s insane! I was an insurance paying member of society for years with an incredible pricey premium and then paid $100 for one month of anti-baby pills! You are telling me all I needed to do is enroll in a highly competitive graduate/professional schooling program and I get free hormones? Awesome. I knew I went to law school for a reason.


I guess my point is, as a student with affordable health care who reasonably could afford a moderate to high co-pay, I was still so relieved when I walked out with the script in hand knowing I could afford it. And hell, I don’t even need it for its intended and primary use… to prevent pregnancy! I cannot imagine being told that birth control was not accessible to me if I was a poor woman in Texas. Well, to be frank, I also can’t imagine living in Texas very long without some sort of incident involving me, a rainbow bikini, and one of Rick Perry’s landscapers (you know he hires a butch lesbian or two to mulch).


So basically, the conclusion: if you have affordable medical coverage, hoard birth control so we can sell it to the woman who can afford it in Texas.  We’ll do it like E-Bay with bidding and all. Capitalism, Perry, isn’t that what you believe in?


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