How to survive the fall in Ohio: a lesbian laments her lack of sports knowledge.

In Ohio, football is life. Buckeye football breathes a particularly potent jolt into the veins of every scarlet-blooded millennial who lives within the city limits, and it’s even more intense the farther from Columbus proper you go. I am not here to talk about the stereotypes surrounding this not-so-sports-fans, things like novelty t-shirts that say YAY SPORTS BALL! that generally annoy the sh*t out of everyone, including myself.

Continue reading

Rhea Butcher: butcher than all of us.

Rhea Butcher is a low key comedian with a slender frame, cool demeanor, and incredible sense of self. OH THAT SOUNDED SO FAKE I CAN’T EVEN PRETEND. Let’s try this again.

Continue reading

Bathroom Bills: a guide to discussing civil rights with bigots.

In case four-month naps are your thing and you don’t know what’s going on in the country right now, nine states and counting have active “bathroom bills” and Ohio is jousting to take this number into the double digits. These bills, like the myriad of other anti-LGBT bills trying to be passed throughout the country, do this super neat thing: they take something harmless, like relieving yourself in a Wendy’s bathroom while on a road trip, or ordering a wedding cake, or trying to get a f*cking job, and they make it impossible for LGBT folks to live a normal life. Oh, and by normal, I mean live a life without being degraded, berated, beaten, or killed. Continue reading

Five Pride Lessons from the Bible of B.

It’s here… Pride month. Weeks on weeks of binge drinking, aggressive brunching and watching parades in the sweltering heat. We are literally in the gay thick of it.  And with Columbus Pride right around the corner, I would like to bestow some wisdom on you from the only deity I would ever care to make a golden replica of and worship on a mountain… the Queen B, Mrs. Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. Continue reading

why new year’s resolutions don’t work: a plan for birthday resolutions this Halloween season.

I don’t get why everyone has to have a resolution for New Year’s Day.  Everyone has a different new year, and mine started two days ago.  Your birthday is your new year, something you get to do one time and one time only.  We can all think back to the one year we royally fucked up… for me it was 21, 22, and 23.  And a little bit of 24. Besides, who wants to decide to change their lives in the dead middle of a miserable Ohio winter, where every morning looks like a landscape described in Ethan Frome and you are carting around 15 extra pounds of holiday weight?! (okay… more like 18 pounds. But that stuffing was DELISH.) Continue reading