hey ohioans, you still can’t get married.

WOW! Today on social media, I thought I missed something. It was like ALL the homophobes and haters moved OVERNIGHT to Kentucky (where they belong) and that the whole state just went YAY GAY MARRIAGE! YAY I CAN GET MARRIED! YAY EQUALITY! You know what? YAY! NO WE CAN’T! We can’t get married, and in almost 90% of the state of Ohio, LGBT individuals can STILL be fired or denied housing because of their LGBT status. We are STILL a double hurdle state. We have an amendment stating marriage is between a man and a woman, and BOOM! We also have a mini-Defense of Marriage Act that acts like the nail in the biggest, gayest, rainbow glitter coffin that is our fucking rights.

Today, a U.S. District Court Judge named Timothy Black ruled that Ohio’s failure to recognize out-of-state same-sex marriages violates constitutional rights. The rights of who, exactly? LGBT couples who want the right to put their spouse’s name on their child’s birth certificate.  Because, in Ohio, Sue and Lenny can put their name on a birth certificate. But for Sue and Jenny, they can only list the birth mother on the birth certificate. That other spot? Eh. Don’t worry, just draw a picture of two stick figure ladies. They’ll get the idea. I’m sure the stigma the unborn child faces of not even having their parent acknowledged as one by the state isn’t harmful at all. Well… it is actually harmful. And Justice Black found that marriage is a fundamental right that cannot be denied. that fundamental right is denied to same sex couples because Ohio is the worst at giving LGBT rights. Like… the fucking worst.

So what does Justice Black’s ruling mean? Well, for the couples that sued, they will be able to put two names of the same-sex on their baby’s birth certificate. So what else does it mean? Can you get married in Ohio to someone of the same-sex? No. Does the state government of Ohio have to recognize your out-of-state marriage? No. Can you party super hard tonight anyways because this is a step in the right direction? TOTALLY.

The ruling will be appealed to the 6th Circuit, which is the most commonly overturned Circuit in the United States! Which means, even if the 6th Circuit rules for the LGBT plaintiffs, it could still be overturned. And the Ohio Attorney General already announced he is going to appeal the ruling. He hates the gays. How do I know? I have a letter from him on my fridge that reminds me every day. He explains in this letter that marriage is between a man and a woman. And I look at it every morning while I drink my gay coffee, kiss my gay girlfriend goodbye, and let my gay bulldog out to take a big ol’ gay poop.

So yea, let’s raise our glasses tonight, and celebrate that an old, straight, white guy recognized the rights of a marginalized community in Ohio. It’s awesome. And you can call me a pessimist, but I’m not. I believe in Ohio.  I believe in our fundamental right to live how we want to live, to work where we won’t be fired for who we date, and a right to raise our families in the way we best see fit. But we ain’t there yet, Ohio.  We ain’t there yet.


Brooke Cartus has nothing against Kentucky and did not mean to offend anyone who really like that state. She’s never been, but heard it’s great. And she loves bourbon.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *